How to know it’s time to write your memoir
People often ask me, “So Charlotte, have you written a memoir?” My answer? No. No, I haven’t written my memoir.
Yet.
You may wonder why I’m here talking and teaching about memoir writing if I haven’t even written one myself. My answer is simple: Writers know when it’s time for them to write. And right now is not my time (yet).
I process my world through story (and you probably do too), whether that’s through reading a novel, picking apart a difficult situation with my husband, running through the stories my brain tells myself in therapy, or listening to a friend pour out her story and promising to help her carry it. Even though I haven’t written my memoir yet, everything I’m living and doing right is preparing me for the writing of it. When you’re in the middle of your story, not quite ready to write it, you can still think and process like a writer so that when your soul gives you the green light, you’re ready to go.
How to live in the middle of your story
You may feel that now isn’t the time, but you know that someday it will be. You may not even know what you’ll be called to write about. If you don’t know what to write about, make notes of people you meet, conversations you have, feelings you experience. Even the most primitive of journaling can be a resource for you when you’re ready to write and need to find something to write about.
In my case, and maybe you’re like me, I know exactly what I’m going to write about. One of the reasons I haven’t written it yet is that I’m still living it. The focus of my memoir is still playing out, and I don’t know when it will end or who I will be when it does. To help myself keep track of this narrative (and to just help me process it, period), I have a document on my computer. I add to this document any time something external happens that I need to document (including what happened and how I experienced and felt about it) or any time I change internally as I heal and grow.
I make notes of places, people, and conversations that play into this living story and how I’m changing because of it. I make special note of words and phrasing that come to me that I don’t want to forget. (I already have my dedication written because I jotted it down almost as soon as it came to me. I couldn’t tell you what it is off the top of my head now, but it’s waiting in my document for the time I’ll need it. And sometimes I go back to read it to keep me grounded in my present.)
Living like a writer
If you want to have a memoir worth writing, you have to do some living first. As you live, make sure that you observe, remember, and process. Bring yourself into those moments you know in your gut mean something. I’ll drop a list of ways to live like a writer so that, when you know it’s time, you’ll be ready to write.
Journal in some form. It doesn’t to be fancy, or even in full sentences. But your future self will thank your current self when you have a record of your in-the-moment feelings, responses, and experiences.
Keep a writing reference specific to the story you’re living out.
Note people, places, conversations, and events that matter, even in a small way.
Keep a record of your internal changes and evolutions.
Make sure that you date your entires. (Really, though. This will make your master timeline a breeze to put together.)
Write down phrases and words that come to you. (And don’t trust yourself to remember them later.)
Go to therapy. But really. If your story involves any amount of trauma, do yourself a kindness and find a therapist yesterday. You won’t be able to make sense of your story if your brain is stuck in fight-or-flight or PTSD. Writing can even be a useful part of healing, but you can’t heal from trauma on your own. It’s okay to need to help. Your story will be here waiting for you.
As always, remember that whatever your story is and wherever you are in it, your story matters. You’ll know when it’s time to write it.
