How to find a writing process that works for you

I was staring down the barrel of potty training for the third time. I’d successfully completed this parenting task before and knew what what to do. I’d read the books. I had my bribes incentives ready.

And my toddler was having none of it. Truly I’ve never seen a child so terrified of the toilet. We quit paused after only a few hours. And we waited another few months. I read different books, followed different Instagram accounts, explored different training techniques.

Okay, I thought. NOW we’ve got this. Potty training will stick this time.

It did—kind of. My third child is the most strong-willed of my children and will do something only if he decides he wants to do it. The gentle suggestions and mild manipulation that worked with my other children as toddlers did not work with this one. Not even a little bit. What worked for other parents (and even my own older children) did not work for this parent or this child. And that’s okay.

Here’s the thing: You’ll be ready to write and make your book finally happen. You might sit down and the words will flow, and everything will work the way you imagined. Sure, you’ll come across some bumps, as every writer does, but overall, your planned process will go just the way it’s supposed to.

But it might not. Your planned writing process might look something like potty training my third child: unnerving, confusing, frustrating, and a little messy. You might be tempted to think, Well maybe I’m just not a writer or I wish I could be a writer but I cannot for the life of me figure this out. Those are normal things to think—but they’re not true. The problem isn’t that you’re just not a writer or bad at disciplining yourself to write. The problem is that what you thought was a one-size-fits-all approach to writing just isn't.

So don’t give up! You’re not lazy or unfocused, you just haven’t found the right combination of habits and processes that work for you.

But you will. I promise.

As you play around with crafting a writing practice that unlocks your words and lights you up, consider these variables:

Energy

I’ve seen an abundance of writing advice that says to write successfully, you need to write first thing in the morning, uninterrupted for X amount of time. But what if you aren’t a morning person? What if your mornings are go-go-go from the moment you wake up until lunchtime? What if your brain just doesn’t think creatively in the morning? Is something wrong with you? Nope. That idea just isn’t for you.

Take stock of when you have the best writing energy and structure your writing time around that precious pocket of energy.

Environment

Write in solitude. Write with ambient noise. Don’t listen to music. But some background sounds are good. Write somewhere with zero distractions. Turn off your phone. Use a typewriter. Buy a cabin in the woods, preferrably by a pond, and write only there just like Thoreau. We’ve seen it all.

Here’s my two cents: Note what environments make you feel calm and which make you anxious. What sights, sounds, and smells matter when you need to focus? Consider the environmental factors that matter to you, not the ones that matter to someone else (even if they’re a bestselling author, they’re not you).

Expectations

How do you feel when someone tells you, You should write one thousand words everyday. Or, You should meet with a writing group every other week. Or even, You should really read that book I told you about. Whenever someone tells me that I “should” do something, I kind of don’t want to do it. (Maybe that’s my toddler’s hangup with pooping—He should put his poop in the toilet.) Consider how you respond to expectations, both others’ and your own. How do you feel when you tell yourself, I’m going to write every day this month. Does it make you excited? Or do you secretly know that you’ll never do it? How we respond to expectations and accountability measures will play a significant role in the writing practices we create for ourselves.

Lastly, remember that life has seasons, and your writing life will too. You will have some seasons full of margin and time to write whenever and however you’d like. And you’ll find other seasons with much less wiggle room, either in time, space, energy, or some combination of all of those. Allow your writing life to evolve alongside the rest of your life, and give yourself grace when you need to pivot.

Do I have a fully potty-trained toddler? . . . Not yet. But we’re getting there. Your writing practice and process will too.

PS—If this is a conversation you want more of, don’t miss out on the FREE Fearless Writing Workshop, happening January 17–19, 2023. In three days we’ll start to rewire your brain so that you can lead with courage in your writing rather than fear. I can guarantee that this workshop will change how you see yourself and your story. Sign up here!