red tulips

I had a friend bring me tulips today. She knew that I am in the middle of something hard, and she showed up on my doorstep with red tulips and a hug.

Friendships as an adult can be weird. We’re supposed to have our lives together, but really we just want to be seen. Instead of wanting someone to sit with at lunch, we want someone to sit with us in the seasons of lives—seasons of grief, of celebration, of depression and anxiety, of triumphs, failures, and accomplishments.

Being The Grownup requires so much of us that by the time we stop to think about friendship, we often feel like the new kid at school. Several years ago, most of my friends all moved away within a six-month span. I felt like I had moved without moving at all. My anxiety was undiagnosed and raging. Everything felt hard, especially friendship; I had no bandwidth for reaching out to new people. Even in—maybe especially in—adulthood, friendships are rarely simple and straightforward. At least, it can feel that way.

Eventually I found a new group of friends (though it would be more accurate to say that they found me). We bonded over small things—favorite TV shows, outings for ice cream, our own kids’ friendships with each other. And then big things happened, the way they always do, and we formed a sisterhood.

I’m in the middle of a big thing now. It’s hard and overwhelming and unknown. And my friend showed up with red tulips, heart and arms wide open. She can’t change or affect anything about this big thing, and she chose to witness it anyway.

Sometimes all we need from friends is a witness.

Friendships as an adult can be weird. But they can also be simple.

Show up.

Bring flowers.

Witness.