Memoir Rundown: Dancing at the Pity Party
The read of 2024 for The Memoir Method Podcast is Dancing at the Pity Party by Tyler Feder. This memoir is about the acute grief of losing a mother to cancer. She introduces us to her mother, takes us through her mom’s cancer diagnosis and death, and through both the rituals and non-linear experiences of deep grief. Most of these podcast conversations will be happening with my friend and fellow reader and writer Ginny Walters, who lost her own mother in 2021.
The format of Dancing at the Pity Party
Dancing at the PIty Party is unique in its graphic format. Written and illustrated through graphic panels, Feder brings the unnamable aspects of grief into her illustrations, showing that grieving is both/and: devastating and beautiful, lonely and communal, harsh and tender. The combination of words and illustrations creates a memoir that, while steeped in complicated emotion, is also highly accessible.
The Dead Mom’s Club
Tyler candidly shares the ins and outs of the Dead Mom’s Club, a place where bereaved children can grieve however they want to: eating leftovers, screaming in a soundproof room, swapping mom stories with other club members, going at it with a punching bag. Throughout the book, Tyler makes it clear that while this a club no one wants to be a part of, it’s also a tender, candid, and tight community. Through her singular voice and dash of dark humor, she explores the intricacies and paradoxes inherent in grief and loss.
Laugh and cry
Ginny reads this book when she needs both a laugh and a cry, highlighting the unique nature of Dancing at the Pity Party. Feder doesn’t shy away from the hard topics or acute feelings. Rather, she invites the reader into her heart, mind, and family as she and they navigate the devastating loss of their mother. Tyler showcases the multidimensionality of grief and how it can present in infinite ways. She’ll have you grabbing an extra box of tissues on one page and laugh out loud on the next. Tyler beautifully guides the reader through an honest and emotional exploration of grief.
Primed for connections
Charlotte gave this book to Ginny when Ginny’s mom died in 2021, and since then Ginny has sent a copy to at least six other people whose mothers have died. The poignancy of this memoir is in the hand it offers for those feeling acutely alone. Nothing can quite capture the pain of losing a loved mother, and Tyler makes space for every element and iteration of grief, assuring the reader—and especially those readers who have lost their own mothers—that while their experiences are uniquely theirs, they also are part of a community.
Have you read Dancing at the Pity Party yet? Listen to episode 19 of the podcast for the full conversation Ginny and I have about this book, and here to see a full list of the posts and podcast episodes dedicated to this memoir.
